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Good Enough (part 1)

by Nettle Nettle

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1.
I fell in love with my best friend I have a lot of queer feelings And every song is about them And every song is about her This year she got married We’re all getting older My new girl looks just like her I don’t love her anymore I swear This is a song about being 13 and this is a song about being 16 and this is a song about being 18 and this is a song about being 21 I listen to Andrea Gibson While sulking in my bedroom It used to be bikini kill It used to be blink 182 I’m trying to be honest with myself But reality is the first level of hell My angst, like my acne, never went away This is a song about being 13 and this is a song about being 16 and this is a song about being 18 and this is a song about being 21 I don’t even believe half the lyrics I’m saying I don’t even believe half the lyrics I’m saying I don’t even believe half the shit I learn at school Except that article about queer feelings Except that article about queer feelings I have a lot of queer feelings
2.
I will not say I’m sorry for hurting or having feelings I will not text you back, not right now, I know I’m being a child But you make everything seem so easy, even hurting me just now Ok, you didn’t mean to but your sweetness makes me feel more bitter somehow This is me taking care of myself, you don’t see me drinking Or fucking or doing anything I’d love to abuse right now I know I’m a mess but you said you love me and I think I love me toox2 Life feels like sandpaper, my skin feels like sandpaper, I’m only learning how to be a body And I’m sorry body, for leaving trauma in you in this cycle of insecurity I know I’m a mess, it shouldn’t matter if you love me if I love me right?x2 Everything always comes back to me, always comes back to me Always come back aroundx2
3.
17 Ghosts 04:37
I had a dream I was 17 I woke up and I was 17 How do I convince myself it was just a dream? Ooo I swear I've been here I have done this before Ooo I think I'm just a ghost Rattlin bones I have haunted This whole town Ooo I had a dream I was 17 I woke up and I was 17 I woke up and I was a haunting Ooo I'm just a ghost Forever 17
4.
It's cold It taunts my strings It makes me brittle I'm out of tune but I'll still sing It wont snow Anywhere except my rib cage It rains For days and days I haven't seen the moon But I'll still sing I don't know why I'm still here I lost it all and found it again between these city walls They wont let me out, only in I don't know why I'm still here I tried to leave with pencil sharpeners and beer, I'm still here I tried to leave with planes, buses, cars, I'm still here I try to leave, I try to leave, I try to leave, I try to leave I'm still here
5.
Boil It Out 04:00
Hot water on your skin Boil it out Who are you? I thought you knew, I thought you knew Read the message again don’t act confused, don’t act confused Who are you I thought you knew, I thought you knew Theyre going to talk, youre black and blue, you’re black and blue You don’t have a soul, no, you have a body You have a heart, it beats in you, it beats in you I thought you knew, I thought you knew Try forget what you’ve seen, it beats in you it beats in you Throw it away and start anew Boil it out
6.
Late Nights 03:25
I had a revelation about compassion and then it slipped my mind While I was falling in and out of This body of mine, Like a drunk In a trust catch And a slowly spinning room I was waiting I was waiting But not waiting for you I keep wanting to be a poem like that will solve my problems I keep weeding out the voices like I am not all of them Nostalgia is killer so I don't care where the time went Waiting is still water and a mosquito bite in the end The sandman and I are fighting and he won't call me back I haven't been writing and I think I feel sad about that I've tried to call it living, that's what these past six months have been And now I'm so tired, That things are starting to make sense
7.
Look Up 04:00
Every night when I look at the stars, It doesn't matter, where you are It just means, you're not far, at least you're closer to me than mars Which is comforting because you've got this pull on me, I don't think you understand the gravity I am the ocean, you are the moon, you put me in motion, what do I do to you, what do I do to you I want to show, show and tell that I've never seen a blue moon like you But I don't know where you go and leave my sky so cold I just want you close so I can see each crater that you may not like but I love the most I look up, look up, look up to you I am the ocean, you are the moon, you put me in motion, what do I do to you, what do I do to you
8.
"Real" Love 03:29
Yes, I've packed the bags under my eyes full of late nights Don't you know I'm always "going" never "gone"? I've tucked you in my tear ducts for safe keeping or something Dancing on the knife blade, who's keeping who safe This is trust, love, never-get-enough then gone again Don't take it personal, sometimes these words are as good as miles I've got an artillery of doubt Let me love please, this time mind-heart, this time "real" real love, real love jet lag, thumb tacked map Let me love like a bus I know will take me where I need to go Let me trust in you like the land I love, like Earth, twirling, trying to see it all-ways coming back to you Yes, I've packed the bags under my eyes full of late nights Got "going" on an IV drip drip dripping and "coming" on the palm of your hand Got this back and forth dance down to a science, but I'm looking for art For now, good thing you like science and good thing you like me For tomorrow, let me love please, this time mind-heart, this time "real" real love, real love jet lag, thumb tacked real love, real love, jet lag, unpacked bags

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released November 3, 2014

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Nettle Nettle Seattle, Washington

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